Top Three Goals of the Week:
1. a Heavenly Chip from Columbia
2. a Diego strike for Bremen
3. a Jack Hammer from Nueva Chicago
Click here to see them in action

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Dallas defeated the Rapids (2-1) and take the advantage home for the 2nd leg of this Western Conference playoff showdown.

Dallas took the lead horrifically after a throw-in from half-field allowed for “El Pescadito” to reel in a little goal. Carlos Ruiz “The Little Fisherman” turned one Rapid defensemen impersonating a cone, dismissed Pablo Mastroeni with a one-finger push, then met an ex-Real Madrid player at the penalty spot before rolling the ball under a flapping keeper.

The Rapids had to rely on their South American connection of Niko Presly (the best Elvis lip impersonator) and Martins “the Brazilian Mountain Man” to scrape back some dignity. Despite Colorado’s general three-stooge-esque interpretation of the game, Presly and Martins tried their best to make it a true fight. Martins stole Kyle Beckermen’s chip-into an on-running teammate and hammered a turning, side volley off the post that made the ball flash across its mouth. Cooke the midfielder from the opposite side finished a sound move that proved not all comedy ends bad.

Dallas despite barely showing up themselves scored the winner early in the 2nd half when the defender (I think his name is Gangrene, whatever makes your leg fall) confused himself and step up to the mark in-front of him, leaving someone free behind. The Dallas Maverick was fast enough on the draw to take a touch and finish far post.

Unfortunately, Martins, the Mountain Man and possibly Colorado’s best player, let the passion boil over and was sent off for a deliberate and unwarranted elbow.

It is free parking in Dallas for the spectators on the return leg. Saturday’s game should serve up some laughs as probably the loser in the Western Division finals will be decided.

Colorado gets a Savage Hammer!

The top two teams in Germany will face off on Saturday. Werder Bremen plays host to Bayern Munich at the Westerstadion, hoping to edge ahead of the defending Champions at the top of the table.

With the addition of the Portuguese playmaker, Diego, Bremen is undergoing a resurgence of form, as he adds that little bit of spice needed to enhance the power and industry of players like Klose, Klasnic, Frings, and Borowski. Diego has made an immediate impact scoring goals for Bremen in both league play and the Champions League.

Bayern Munich has shrugged off their sluggish start playing themselves up the table with adequate performances behind their seasoned and structured team. The addition of Podolski has not been as prolific as expected while manager Felix Magath has already called into question his players’ desire in the early stages of league play.

While both teams are attack minded in nature, Bremen holds the advantage as they are playing at home and playing sensational football. Perhaps it is too early for Bayern to have hit full stride, and they could be stabbing at shadows if Diego can conjure his Brazilian magic.

An abomination has been created! One that can destroy any team with its shear might and rage!

Question, how do you make a defensive midfielder attack?

You put someone more defensive behind him and in his position. Jose Mourinho has worked a bit of magic in which no one in the world has the answer to yet. That is, if you agree that Barcelona is one of the top three best teams in the world.

Jose Mourinho has succeeded where almost all have failed. He has made ugly football attractive. Attractive for losers who like to win! Now Chelsea is winning, no doubt about that. We can also agree that their style is ugly but effective. What he has done though, in the creation of this abomination is extra special.

The problem he faced was that he had put himself in a bind hiring on two offensive midfielders in Ballack and Lampard, both whom need to play for politics sake. To make matters worse, he has two excellent Defensive Midfielders, through Essien and Makelele that needs to be on the field. Whether Mourinho has crafted this midfield through necessity or from a brilliant vision of dark days for football, He has created an ugly beast. A one eyed, jerry curled beast that wears Portuguese shoes.

The head of the beast is Drogba himself, who I shall refer to as “The Drogba” from now on, due to the Ultra-Human feats that his is displaying. Shevchenko is a large growth out of this creation’s back. You can almost see him clawing his way to break the surface, but alas the skin is too hard and with every solo strike from “The Drogba,” his life force dissolves a little bit faster and melts into the Blue Body. The way Mourinho has tempered this beast is by narrowing the shoulders.

The shoulders are in the form of the two offensive guns that lay dormant, but at any moment can snatch a game winner, and the food from “The Drogba’s” jaws. These two shoulder blades are unimaginative, but are narrow and long, so that they can reach the goal from very far distances. This makes the defense of defending deep in the box not safe.

What is the weapon that this beast wields, well it is famous for expelling fireballs from its belly. Fire balls created from the “The Bison” Michael Essien. He receives the fire from the deepest parts of the belly and carries this brimstone ball to “The Drogba” to be expelled.

The source of the fire is from the belt, which is held together by a little belt buckle named Makelele. This buckle is small and takes no glory. It soaks up the pressure and transforms it into fire. The legs of the beast are strong with thorns it can sit like a huge oak all day and blow fire balls on you until you just burn away.

The Beast and the Beast’s Russian Master has won the day, but only because they have convinced the Scientist, General Jose that this is right. Once the corruption is discovered and clouded eyes are clear, then General Jose will grow beyond creating monsters for winning’s sake and go back to creating legends that embody poetry in its execution, with the humility that it exists.

The Blue Monster will stomp and blow, but will The Dragon of A.C. or the Thing of Inter allow it to be champion?

Estudiantes totally demolished their local rivals Gimnasia (7-0) in the La Plata derby this past Sunday to stay within earshot of Boca Juniors and River Plate (both clubs also secured victories at the weekend) in the Apertura 2006. It was the biggest margin of victory in the long history of these two clubs.

The classy veteran Juan Sebastian Veron, who returned to the club where it all started for him, was instrumental to the scoring and undoubtedly put in his best performance since returning and playing under ex-teammate and National team player, Diego Simeone.

Many of the goals were down to his supply of polished and inch-perfect passing. He gave his fellow teammates the opportunities, and they didn’t disappoint. It was his vision that put them through on goal, though it was their finishing touches that wrote them into derby history lore. Jose Calderon hit Gimnasia for a hat-trick of goals while fellow striker, Diego Galvan added a brace. Pavone and Luguerico both added tallies to the rout.

Trailing 3-0 at half-time, Gimnasia did little to help their cause as they had two players sent of in the 2nd half. Their fans also came under scrutiny as a section clashed violently with police. The ill will did not disrupt the game, however, as Estudiantes when on to celebrate in true fashion.

Estudiantes now face lowly side Godoy and will look to bag another three points to sustain the pressure at the top of the table. River Plate looks also to be poised for victory as they host mid-table club, Rosario Central.

Boca have the toughest test this upcoming weekend as they travel to face Racing Club who are also still in the hunt in 4th spot just outside the top three. If Racing can pull the upset then surely the pressure on new manager, La Volpe will begin to boil.

Click Here to Listen to this Week’s Episode

1. MLS Playoffs
 

2. Champions League–Chelsea vs. Barcelona
 

3. EPL Week 8 Review
 

4. The MLS Playoffs

Top Three Goals of the Week:
1. the Razor’s Edge from Holland
2. a Beauty from Bilbao, Spain
3. a Blasting Chip from Mexico
Click here to see them in action

To learn more about 6 Minute Soccer Skills, Click here

New York emerged victorious (3-2) in the most crucial match of the MLS weekend. With the Kansas City Wizards only needing a draw, the game was poised on the razor’s edge, as the team with the result would continue on to the post season.

Arnado Guevara punished the Wizards for suspect defending as he finished twice from the penalty spot. Guevara then scored his third for the hat-trick in the 75th min. with a solo effort.

New York will now face DC United in the first round on Oct. 21 at Giants Stadium with the return leg on Oct. 29 in Washington.

The playoffs are coming, the playoffs are coming. In the Eastern Conference, the last spot is a big toss up, going to either New York or Kansas City, who by the way will be playing on Saturday to decide which team gets to continue on into the postseason.

Unfortunately, this game will not be nationally televised, so you will have to purchase it through Mlsnet.com, or MLS Direct Kick to catch one of the most meaningful games of the season.

Kansas goes into the game at Giants Stadium only needing a draw to grab the final seed; however, they go into the game with a bit of controversy, as manager Brian Bliss has suspended US National team striker, Eddie Johnson for disruptive behavior. Because of Johnson’s poor form, Kansas may not need him on the field anyway, but still the team does not need the negative attention in the most critical game of the season.

Bruce Arena and the New York Red Bulls will be trying to pull off the great escape with a victory. Just after returning from the World Cup, Arena took over a New York organization that had fallen on hard times, and if he can pull out the victory, perhaps he can save face after his fallout with the US National team. Arena will be looking to players like Kovalenko, Guevara, and young upstart, Altidore to give the club a life-line.

England, who played very unimaginative football in the World Cup, continued their poor run of form in their European 2008 Qualifying matches this past week.

While their (2-0) defeat on Wednesday in Croatia unfolded in a bitter and caustic manner, the real shock was their (0-0) draw at home in England to minnows, Macedonia.

England’s failure to score at home in this fixture is complete sacrilege, and for a National team that boasts some of the highest performing and highest paid players in the world, the manner, or lack their of, in which England performed surely points to a National enigma.

Certainly an identity crisis riddles the English team, and the appointment of an English manager, in this case Steve McClaren, has done little to put an English identity back into the squad.

If the English National team were to play in a particular English style, then you would see a National side applying constant pressure, going forward with complete conviction, and simply just playing until their hearts bleed. However, when you watch England, you usually see a conservative side that is clearly organized, but absolutely faceless in their pursuit of victory.

It was not to long ago when the English press and players were boasting a “no fear” demeanor with some really outrageous and immature claims coming out of the English camp. Clearly the hype and euphoric praise of the English stars in the EPL had given the English mentality a false hope that they are just now coming to realize: even the departure of David Beckham was spun to be a necessity for the overall good of the English team.

While the English still played boring and unimpressive soccer with David in the side, at least Becks could get the English on the board.